If you don't think you're ever going to see The Pearly Gates then you might as well check out  The Sunshine Coast  of British Columbia because it's the closest you'll ever get to Heaven.

It's a 45 minute B.C. ferry ride from Horshoe Bay in West Vancouver to Langdale and you won't see a single ugly piece of scenery the entire trip. I first visited Sechelt on the Sunshine Coast while a graduate student at the  University of British Columbia  in Vancouver, which, incidentally,  boasts the biggest nude beach in North America,  Wreck Beach   . It's right on campus. That's not why I applied to their  Creative Writing program but it didn't hurt. The family of my girlfriend at the time, M.R. Paine (Don't ever call her Mary or Ruth!) owned a beautiful, rustic vacation home right on the beach between Sechelt and Halfmoon on Redrooffs Road. It's so scenic it even looks good on Mapquest!

 

M.R.'s father, Dr. Joseph Paine, died three or four months ago. That man could tell a story better than a drunken sailer and I couldn't have loved him more if he were my own father. (Actually, I wasn't crazy about my father but that's another story.) Doc represented the finest qualities of the Canadian spirit.  Let me tell you something about Canadians, just in case you've either never been there or just spent a couple of weeks fishing in The Great White North.  Many Americans I talk with think Canadians are a lot like cast members from "Northern Exposure", slow and knaive to the ways of the world.  Let me tell you they're quicker than a Wyoming cowboy on Red Bull. Perhaps the reason I love B.C. so much, and especially the Sunshine Coast, is the people remind me of the Wisconsin neighbors I grew up around. And that's paying a might big compliment to anyone.

 

The locals on the Sunshine Coast find it entertaining to pick out the tourists as they first step foot off the ferry at Langdale. The tourists are the ones staring at the eagles flying overhead. I've been vacationing there for over 20 years and I still can't help looking up at these majestic birds. Sometimes I wonder if those eagles are laughing at me more than the locals. I just can't keep my eyes off of them. I mean the eagles, although the locals don't look half bad either.

 

Sometimes even Heaven has a few reality checks. Whenever I vacationed up there I always enjoyed tossing back a few pints at a local pub, The Wakefield, which unfortunately, no longer exists.  I just heard from the Sechelt Chamber of Commerce that the entire section of waterfront was purchased by a developer and they have begun construction on 30 new homes.  I guess that's progress on The Sunshine Coast.  I met a local man, barely old enough to drink, there the last time who asked me if I wanted to meet any local women. My enthusiastic answer probably had something to do with the four pints of ale but I would have been eager even if I was sober.

I drove my van a couple of kilometers south towards Gibsons and stopped outside this huge house sitting atop a hill. The kid suggested I wait in the van until he could talk with the women first. This made sense to me so I pulled over to the shoulder and turned my engine off. And I waited. And waited. Suddenly the ale was having its effects and I wished I hadn't left the pub. Now I rarely drink and can't remember the last time I was drunk so I definately didn't need a Canadian DUI. It was probably no longer than 30 minutes but feeling more like hours when I decided to get back home. I turned the van on and tried to pull onto the road. My back tire started to spin in the muddy shoulder and it was obvious I was going nowhere soon.

 

As I stepped out of the van the R.C.M.P.'s cruiser's flashing lights lit up and I knew the jig was up. . Startled and drunk I fell against my van. The officer asked me if I had been drinking and it was impossible to lie to anyone that courteous. He asked me why I was parked there and so I told him about the kid who was going to introduce me to some local women. He laughed the same laugh as when they catch me staring at eagles. At that point he looked up at the house and asked me if I knew what that place was. He told me it was a Crack House. In Sechelt! It's like finding out there's a brothel in "It's A Small World"! 

 

I still email Laurie McConnell, the webmaster at BigPacific.com, the site covering all of the Sunshine Coast. I continue to beg her for any creative work up there but being an American without a work visa it's doubtful I'm going to be working up there anytime soon. If you're curious what the Sunshine Coast looks like go to BigPacific.com and click away. Use your imagination. Picture yourself getting off the ferry at Landale and seeing your very first eagle. Ignore the laughing.

 

Like everyone else buying lottery tickets I have my big dreams. Lottery dreams. Buying water front property halfway between Sechelt and Halfmoon Bay is on the top of the list. The very top. If I don't win the lottery perhaps my comedy career will finally take off and I can afford to live there although I stand a better chance getting hit by lightning......with a winning lottery ticket tightly clenched in one hand.  

 

If you're looking for a spectacular vacation in a land that takes you back to a better time consider the Sunshine Coast of British Columbia.

They might as well build Pearly Gates right at the ferry landing in Langdale because for most of you that's the closest you'll ever get to Heaven.

As for me I'll keep buying lottery tickets. It doesn't matter if it's Super Lotto or Mega Bucks. Winning either one means I'm heading north to Sechelt. Until then I'll continue writing about my dreams in     

            Hollywood Daze.

For more comical info on the writer of this blog go to:  WorldHumour.bravehost.com

Tom Neuhoff
World Humour
"Funnier Than You"

Hollywood Daze/Blogger

Hollywood Daze/Yahoo 360

Big Pacific